Watchmen/Warner Bros/2009/R

It took me awhile to collect my thoughts on my experience with the Watchmen film; not because I was overwhelmed with all sorts of jubilant gleeful fangasms...but because I wanted to parse my words in what I felt was a very underwhelming experience. As well, how to gingerly proclaim that I just was not completely wowed by what many consider a cinematic achievement. Now, I believe everyone from Tibetan monks in remote mountaintop temples to the Pope would agree that Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight was nothing short of a visionary masterwork. But would Warner Brothers and DC Comics hit that same high mark again? The global fandom community(ie: very loud posters on Aint It Cool News) made it sound like the fate of the world
depended on this being a faithful adaptation. Little did people seem to realize, that faithful adaptation doesn't neccesarily mean good...or a soul. There was never too much of a question that Zach Snyder(300)'s interpretation was going to be big, bold and crafted with intricate fanboy
zeal. And other than for the near jihad called by fanboys worldwide for "The Squid Ending" to remain in tact, it seemed like hopes were pretty high.

Well, I'm not sure what to say. Thinking back on the Watchmen theatrical experience, it seems pretty much like 300 and Sin City; well acclaimed graphic novels that got faithful and entertaining film adapations. Loud, busy thrill rides with no holds barred R rated action. But does it transcend the genre, as many believe Dark Knight had? While Dark Knight to me seemed almost more like a serious drama that just happened to be based on a comic book; I never really got out of the thought that Watchmen was all just set on backlots. The illusion just never was really there, as the characters groan and skulk from one dark noirish backlot piece to the other. It wasn't the over abundance of giant blue wang, nor the fact we were suppose to feel sorry for a village massacring brutal rapist(who has his own action figure at Toys R Us...the lulz!)
who wears a smiley pin that made me dislike this movie. It wasn't the lack of depth, one dimensional acting, or any of that. Perhaps it was the fact, that like the "I don't care" nihilism
of the main characters...it just felt impossible to feel any sort of emotional investment in anything in the Watchmen world.

When the fate of millions hangs in the balance, it's hard to care...not because the main characters are drowning in angst, but because none of it seems convincing or real. The titular
tagline of "The world will look up and shout save us. And I'll whisper?no" has an eerie ring to it. To me it should be "The Warner Bros execs and fanboys will look up and shout everyone please go see this movie. And I'll whisper?68% second week gross dropoff". Sadly Watchmen writer David Hayter had to come onto various major movie news sites and plead with people to come see the movie...bad form.

Watchmen's failure to connect with audiences(including myself, a lifelong comic book and movie fan) has nothing to do with the Fox News court battles...or lack of word of mouth, or "purely catering to the geeks". It has to do with the movie's committing of the worst of all film sins: Failing to give a reason why audiences should be invested in the characters/story...or just plain give a damn. It speaks volumes, when after two years of baited excitement, ultimately the only scene that sticks in my mind is the Nite Owl/Silk Spectre 2 sex scene inside the Archimedes craft.